Last week was rough for me. Some of you noticed. Generally in life, I pride myself in being a pretty even-keeled individual. High lows and low highs . . . riding out the waves of life. Last week didn’t work that way.
For the first time in a while, my faith was a struggle. And let me clarify that in contrast to “struggling with my faith”. I had no doubt as to my faith in Jesus Christ, nor his saving grace for me. In contrast, I was struggling more with my place in that faith, and how I was supposed to be acting out the “living sacrifice” to God. Everything felt like a painful sacrifice, with no fulfillment, no reward, and I allowed my selfish self to begin to ask what the purpose was behind anything I was doing in Jesus name. Following right behind that came guilt at such a thought, then anger at myself, and then, even some anger at God . . . because He started it all by loving me and choosing me.
I searched the Bible for someone feeling the way I was. Certainly Paul was no consolation . . . certainly suffering more than me and having a better attitude about it. That felt like “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” So I searched on, and landed in Lamentations. Finally, someone woeful. Someone angry. And yet someone with faith. For those that don’t know it, the theme to Lamentations (besides lamenting obviously) is that God will restore. It took me a little bit to grasp it and to set my own frustrations aside. God will restore . . . me.
I’m still working through stuff. We all are. Some of it has to do with how we’re serving. Most of it has to do with letting God be our strength and our even keel. I had faith that God had saved me. I had to be reminded that he would do it again. Thank God, He Restores.
